tags: #publish links: [[Communication]], [[Psychology]], [[Relationships Resources]] created: 2021-07-25 Sun --- # Accurate communication is possible only between equals Whenever there is a power imbalance, whenever one person needs something from the other, communication between them is inevitably distorted. The power imbalance could be anything: - threat / survival - economic - legal - political - hierarchical / authority / status - reputational / saving face - needing to preserve good relations - caregiver / basic needs dependence - emotional, attachment - sexual - effect on self-image and perception of the other The person who needs something is incentivised to gain or retain favour, so they will hide or embellish or distort information, tell the powerful person what they think will be more favourable, etc. The person with power is incentivised to influence or respond to the communication in a way that acknowledges or reinforces their power, or tiptoes around it to avoid abusing it. Any time you find yourself changing your communication based on the status of or your relationship to the other person, you're demonstrating this effect! If you aren't doing it consciously, you're almost certainly doing it subconsciously, because a lot of this is a basic part of our psychology. Hint: this is perhaps the essence of human communication. It is present in almost every communication between humans. It is extremely rare for there to be literally no power imbalance on any dimension. Note that establishing trust isn't enough to avoid this dynamic - because then you'll still have a need to preserve trust and that's also a power imbalance if you need to communicate something the other person might not like! This is a natural consequence of humans being individual actors with their own individual interests, an identity influenced by their self-perception, plus a theory of mind that lets them model the impact of communication on the other. To the extent that we're not totally unselfish group actors with no identity or ego, there will always be this power imbalance because all communication is an influencing message affecting both people's identities. This concept is prominent in Robert Anton Wilson's books, explicitly as [Celine's second law](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celine%27s_laws): > Accurate communication is possible only in a non-punishing situation and > Any hierarchy acts more to conceal the truth from its leaders than it serves to find the truth. The concept is expressed repeatedly. This was startling to me in its clear expression when I read it in my early 20's. It makes sense of a lot of confusing things in the world. Related: [[If you want to please people who are mistaken, you can't tell the truth ]]